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by Lanilane Ocbina 

If your mom always complains about your annoying jaws that keep on chewing, do not spit that gum out  because I got perfect alibi to share to you. You may love the goat because of this… 

There was a scientific study claiming that chewing gum can improve one’s memory by more or less 30%. (oh come on, i think you’re about to try it later huh?).  Such research study was not well proven however, based on the tests that they have completed, the theory formed was that: THE CHEWING GUM RELEASES INSULIN TO STIMULATE CERTAIN PART OF THE BRAIN THAT’S RESPONSIBLE TO MEMORY.

Does this theory imply that singaporeans are of poor memory? (oh come on!) Based on statistics, Singapore is the the country with the lowest consumption of bubble gum. This is not because of the pleasure for enjoyment of the taste, but for pleasure of health. You cannot buy a gum in Singapore unless you give your name and identification. Chewing the bubble gum was banned in 1992 as a way of reducing littering. In 2004, the gum is finally available in the market. the big irony is that, you can only chew it for medicinal purposes. wekek!

In the US, it is very obvious that people love bubble gum. Stastistics show that an average american manages to chew about 300 pieces of gums in a year. Their love of the bubble gum is manifested in a place at San Luis Obispo california known as the “Bubble GUm Alley”. This is like a big art structure that involves two walls that are decorated with chewed gums that are deposited by passers-by for the past years. This place has become a hot spot in San Luis with 300 sightseers a day.

If you want to earn through bubble gum, you may not need to sell your sweat out. Did you know that in a dental museum located in University of Arizona, one of the most valued chewed gum is displayed? This one was chewed by gangster John Dillinger when he’s captured. IN 2002, the $10,000 gum was bought by Curt Mueller. This gum belonged toLuis Gonzales who was a popular baseball player. Now, who says that earning money is the hardest thing to do?

Bubble gum is small but significant. See, your memory and pocket can both earn from it. So now, always REMEMBER that it is possible to be rich with your bubble gum. It may be the crazy thing to do but once you encounter a star, bend your knees as you ask him/her to chew a gum for you. Dont forget  to take the video to show that the gum was really chwed by that popular icon. Then, bring it on ebay and presto, you may jsut be an instant businessman! (this is a joke but you can make it real wekek!)

 Now you know the perfect alibi whenever your mom forces you to spit it out. Tell her these facts and watch how your mom transforms into a pefect partner for your new business.

“Pinoy kaw? So wala kang kwenta? Katulong ka! Dog eater! Hampas lupa!” 

Kung sino man ang nagsasabi nito tumabi tabi ka jan, hahambalusin kita ng itak e! Umalis ka sa harap ng salamin at umpisahan mong intindihin na may kwenta ka dahil pinoy ka. go go go sago! 

Akala mo lang wala kang kwenta pero meron meron meron! Wapak!! O ayan magising ka! alam mo bang kabilang ka sa grupo ng pinaka matalinong nilalang sa galaxy? Sino nagsabi? Sino pa, edi yung pinakamatalino sa lahat..ehemmm..ako. 

O sige nga. San ka nakakita ng NAPAKAaliit na bansa na may NAPAKAraming salita? Likas na magaling ang pinoy sa pagasasalita at pagpapahayag ng sarili kaya naman mayaman tayo sa wika. Minsan nga lang nakakaloka., pero nakakaaliw. Nakakatuwa. Patunay lang na magaling tayo. Astig! 

Syempre isa na ako sa unang tao sa listahan pagdating sa kaastigan, miyembro ako ng samahan na ang tawag e URAGONs! Galing kami sa ubod na astig na lugar na ang ngalan ay Bicol. Hindi bukol kundi BICOL. Weh! Ayusin mo ang dila at pipilipitin ko yan.

(Eto ang MAyon. Hindi yan ginawa naming mga uragon. Di kami ganun kgaling. di kami Diyos. we’re just human you know)

 Pinanganak ako sa Laguna. Pero dugong bikolano to! Bicolana nanay ko bicolano tatay ko. Meaning napakaganda kong bicolanano. Wekekek. Hindi unano? Umabot naman sa limang talampakan ang taas ko no. wag kang mang asar! lugar ko to bamboo. 

Medyo mahirap ang salitang bikol pero kering keri naman kim. Nung una nga asa garden kami ng mga bago kong fans este klasmeyts, sabi nila “ sige dai ka masupog magkaput ki daga” . lumingon ako kung saan saan dahil akala ko may daga e yun pala ang ibig nilang sabihin, “ wag ka mahiya hawakan ang lupa”. Astig, ang lupa sa bikol, daga! Kaya kapag may nagaagawan ng lupa or teritoryo ang sinasabi “ daga ko to! Daga ko to! Wara maglabot (walang makikialam) daga ko to!”.. wekekek… daga nya yan! Humanap ka nga naman kasi ng daga mo. pusa! Meeeow! 

Ang saya sa bikol. Kahit niyurak yurakan ng bagyong reming e nakatayo pa rin. URAGON nga e! buti na lang at lumayas na ang walang kwentang bagyo. Hassle na bagyo yun, ang daming perwisyo sa lahi namin. Humanda sya at reresbakan namin sya. Kaya reming, magatagu- tago kana! (pano kaya. wekek) 

Yung eskwelahan namin nung highschool sinira nya..ahuhuhu.. wala syang awa. Naalala ko, para akong alien sa MORMS (iskul namin). Lahat kasi sila ang bilis bilis magbikol. Parang armalayt. Bratatatatat!! Boom tarat! Boom boom boom bautista. May tama na ako siaboc, Time out! Pwede magtagalog? Tahimik sila. Hay salamat. Mabait mga klasmeyts ko nun, magaling din sila magtagalog. Gifted talga. Magaling na sa bikol e magaling pa sa tagalog. 

Syempre ibibida ko na nman ang sarili ko.. ehemm. Pagkatapos ng ilang taon magaling na rin ako sa bikol. Iba ibang klaseng bikol yan. Bawat siyudad at bayan kasi, may iba ibang termino. Pero hindi naman nagkakalayo. Minsan nga daga dito daga din doon. Wekekek. Iba iba din ang tono. Minsan malambing pero minsan parang gusto manghamon ng war! Ever! Kaya wag kang mabibigla pag akala mo sumisigaw ang isang bikolano. Nagpapaliwanag lang siya. Wekek. 

Mahal ko ang salitang bikol at mga bikolano! Pero wala akong balak tumakbo. Wekek. Gusto ko pa humaba buhay ko hehe. Magsho- show girl nalang ako para shoshal. Pashensha na shungaw ako e. sha mga ibang gusto magturo ng ibang dayalekto game ako dyan! Pero libre? Kapos ako sarah. 

Sa mga bikolano sa tabi tabi, kudos kita gabos! Ipailing ta an urag ta sa ubos! PS: ung 2 consecutive winners na tumira sa dilaw na bahay na pinamumunuan ni “dakulang manoy” hehe.. (big brother)… bicolana sila pareho (yeng & bea)..wala lang, proud of them!   

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by lanilane ocbina

FLOCCIPAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION, getting tongue-tied with it, is the longest word in the oxford English dictionary. This word simply means “the act of estimating as worthless”.. 

Most people would find it easy to prejudge and floccipaucinihilipilificate me because of my low stature. I may look feeble and may seem weak but, I don’t need to recite the longest word in Webster’s 3^rd New International Dictionary, Pneumonoultramicroscopicsiliconiosis, which connotes a lung disease, to impress them all. 

What animates me to defy these partial people then? Well, I don’t need to defy them. Flocci blah blah people are just…uhh forget it. I always wanted to be a cartoon hero, of course the villains are the flocci blah blah people again.

Sometimes I escape from reality when life seems so partial. I become a supernatural being with extraterrestrial  intelligence and extra-dominating powers. This may seem that I’m insane but I always assure that my mental processes are still normally running.

There are times that I wanna fly back to history . I wanna visit the eight wonders of the ancient world. All eight on their feet. Still in existence. 

I wanted to see how the Egyptians started to construct the only existing ancient structures among the eight. The 450-feet PYRAMIDS AT GIZA.

I wanted to visit the HANGING GARDENS OF BABYLON built by Nebuchanezzar for his queen. I wanna discover their love story and get inspired.

I wanted to be in the temple of EPHESUS AND TOMB OF MAOSOLUS. I wanted to see the PHIDIAS STATUE OF ZEUS before it was destroyed in the wars. I wanna witness how the COLOSSUS OF RHODES was thrown down by the earthquake about 224 BC, and I wanna feel serenity as I stay in the PHAROS AT ALEXANDRIA, a lighthouse built on the island of Pharos, outside the port of Alexandria, before it was leveled to the ground by another earthquake.

There are also times that I tried to have ESP or Extra Sensory Perception. This ability grows beyond the range of known sensory processes. I wanted to have the TELEPATHY to read the minds of people who are of bad intentions to good people. I wanted to be a CLAIRVOYANT to solve mysterious problems with mysterious objects and events. I wanna have PRECOGNITION or RETROCOGNITION powers to perceive the future or visualize past events. 

I believe that all people carry their third eye.

However, most of these eyes are hesitant to see the truth behind enigmatic mysteries. Mine would be one of them. 

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